C'est La Ma Vie

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Z A C ! !

My Journal. My Rants. My Freedom of Speech.

I am Addicted

Saturday, September 12, 2009 ( 4:39 AM )

I am addicted.

I've collected tissues before dawn.

Seen things I've never seen before.

Come to thetend and back.

Been an addict with the neighborhood boys.

Obeyed the voice in my head.

Let the urge carry me when I couldn't,

Came again yesterday.

Let God be my witness.

Measured myself in centimeters.

Inches.

And finally I've done it again.

I've plugged into a wrong purpose.

Before the end of this world, I must be changed.

I am addicted.

This Ramadan is honestly the hardest Ramadan so far. I've never had so much feeling and urge not of hunger or thirst, but of lustful desires. Astaghfirllah. It ain't easy ok!

What is the purpose of fasting when at night people smoke, curse, swear and see forbidden things? That defeats the whole purpose of this purification process in this holy month.

Even when during studio project, 90% of the time I end up swearing more than Adam by the end of the day.

Anyway school was coooooooool! Had my recent studio project with Adam and Zubie.

I have to say Alhamdullilah it has been a wonderful experience working with you guys and is by far the best teammate experience ever! :D

We had a lot of laughter, a lot of goofing around and silly time walking around the whole school taking breaks since we couldn't go down to South canteen to grab wedges to eat during Ramadan.

HAHAHAHA.

Well we didn't really take much pictures while during this process(ape dah Bahtiar) but we did make a video of us goofing around. I think Zubie was away when we took these videos. Maner kau siollllll?

Well good news is its the last 10days of Ramadhan. And Hari Raya is coming! So better buat as much ibadah as you can man! You'll never know an Angel might come visit your house that night.

And..........

My mom finally agreed to let me take my Motorcycle license! WOOHOOO! I wanted to take car actually. They've been saying they wanna sponsor but in the end nothing.

Sekali when I pop up the question again my dad was like, " You take car license also its not like u can afford to get one now. If u drive our family car then what am I gonna drive? Might as well take Motorcycle then it'll be easier for you to go to school. I told to you take but u don't want."

Then I said, " I don't mind but Mama don't agree "

Sekali she said, " You wanna learn whatever license go learn lah eh".

WOOOHOOOOOO! Hopefully Insyallah I can use duit raye for lesen Motor and Insyallah have a safe ride everytime I ride my dad's bike. Amin.

He mostly use our family car, Nissan Sunny. But his old 20+years Yamaha RXZ bike which he bought when during his young adult age is still working but in a very old condition. Hopefully I can ride it safely once I get my license. Amin. :D

Someday I hope to get my own bike. Vespas aren't for me. Neither are Sportbikes or Scramblers. I like oldschool rock and roll bikes. Think Greese bad boy bikes with a touch of Mysterious Black.

The 2010 Shadow Phantom!

Labels: Addicted

Just Keep Moving

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 ( 10:09 PM )

No matter what people say about you, you just gotta keep on moving forward.
No matter how hard you get criticized or hit, you have just gotta be strong and keep moving forward.
No matter how much people say YOU CANT DO IT, just tell youself

IT AIN'T ABOUT WHAT THEY SAY. ITS ABOUT YOU MAKING A DIFFERENCE TO YOURSELF AND MOVING YOUR BUTT AND SWEAT TO DO IT!

At least I worked my butt and sweat off for the past 13days trying to achieve results. Better than those that are not doing any shit at all.

But it ain't easy! There were alot of ups and downs during this time of the work out. I maybe might want restart on day1 again.

IT AINT EASY OK! You try commit yourself to work out everyday at least 1hr for 7days a week , eating the right food and cutting down on sweets , rice and awhole lot of stuff for the next 3months IS NOT EASY!

But anyway

To be Honest this is where I currently am

Current weight: 61kg
Weight loss during programme: Around 1-2kg (Was previously 63-64kg I think)
Days in P90X programme: 13days
Days skipped and held on hold: 15days
Reasons for above: Too tired, Too held up with work, Waiting for dumbells & Pull up bars

BUT

I might wanna push the restart button and go back to day one. I don't know.

Now that I have finally bought my Dumbell set and pull-up bar, there is NO EXCUSE!

I initially thought it would be 5kg on each left and right, ended up coming in 9.5kg on each left and right.

I though the 9.5kg Set doubles meant spilt into 2. But it came X2 instead. Which was really worth my $80+

It was so heavy till the box teared!

Woohooo :D

Then after which I wait for about 5days for the order of my pull up bars.

But problem is now I have to wait yet again for my dad to start drilling the holes for the support metal parts they gave so I can finally start using them!

The Box Is huge I tell you!

When fixing it I came across a few problems

My P90x pull-up bar/Push up stand and dumbells

For the past couple of days I have been cooking dinner for myself. It aint perfect but I still need so much more improvement on my cooking skills man! Here is what I ate the other day. Rib eye steak with aspagarus. I think meat is the hardest to cook! I still need to improve on cooking though.

At least Im trying hard to make a difference in my life and trying to change my health, body and spirituality. What are you doing?

Theres more to life than just work. And theres more to life than just this worldly pleasures.

Are you living to work? Or Are you working to live?

That is the question I kept asking myself.

And Also questions like,

What is my purpose living in this world? Am I just put here to live and then just die? Or am I put here for a reason?

Don't you guys ever question yourself that?

I went nonstop thinking and watching videos about christian, jews and all types of people converting to islam. (Check out http://www.turntoislam.com/) I came to a conclusion.

We live, work and play each day is all because of Allah. We malays are too complacent and don't realise how greatful we are borned as muslims. Yet alone pray 5times a day.

These converts have a stronger iman and faith towards islam as compared to us.

It saddens me when I see a matrep or a minah with tattoos all over their bodies. Have they no brain to think that all of that is HARAM!?

The prophet (S.A.W) and his companions went through SOO MUCH trying to build the foundation of islam. Some even got killed and died in the name of Islam. And there you are happily drinking and doing fornication!

And then I realized. We live for a short period of time in this earth. We never know when we might die or when is Qiamat.

And we should be grateful that we are still standing here today staring in front of the computer reading my blog.

Allah has given us so much especially for us to be borned and raised as muslims.

Even our bodies are all given to us for this short period of time. When comes judgment, our bodies won't even move and we'll be questioned for all the things we did on this earth.

So it is our duty to always pray and remember Allah for all the things he has done for us. Syukur Alhamdullilah.

And we must always stay healthy and fit so that we may always have a healthy body and mind in order to have ease in prayers and worship towards Allah. Amin yaraballalamin.

BRING IT!

Friday, June 26, 2009 ( 2:37 AM )

It has been one week in this P90X program. Boy sure It was not easy. I'd have to agree that the nutrition guide is the most hardest part of the program.

We Malays are WAY TOO USED to eating unhealthy foods. That's why our race in Singapore has the highest amount of High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, Heart Disease and High in every sickness you can imagine.

Look at the amount of oil in that Mee Goreng

See all that small2 red dots in the soup. Thats oil!

Ever wondered how the rice is made yellow? They cook WHITE RICE with OIL! Thats why become like that!

Mashallah! Im not being racist or anything. Im deeply sad of this.

But Imagine this! Every weekend some relative gets married. Be it far or near. And If you were to eat nasi briyani with chicken or mutton or beef.

That'll probably be around 500+ Calories. 450 calories goes into just 1 CUP OF BRIYANI RICE.

Then add the chicken! Probably 100-200 calories depending on what size and type you eat. If you eat those oily2 rendang or Ayam Masak Merah, then you're putting around 2 PLATES OF SERVING in just ONE MEAL! Then that is if its lunch. What about breakfast? What about dinner? Or Snacks?

Most people say they have no time to work out this and that.

BULLSHIT LAH!

Come on even me I do have problem running every week these days.

But hey if you could eat one plate of nasi briyani every other sunday, WHY CANT YOU SPEND 1HR JUST TO EXERCISE!?

This is the thing that deeply saddens me. My mom for example. Is used to eating unhealthy foods. Buying of foods from hawkers when she has no time to cook and at times cooking unhealthy stuff.

So yes the Nutrition Guide Is VERY TOUGH!

That just 5days. They got give 7days. But basically 1mth of High Protein, Low carb intake. For fat burning and build of muscles.

With the amount of preparation and discipline I see others put into their meals. If they can do it! I can do it too!

When I see them pushing their bodies to the limits to achieve results. If they can do it! I can do it too!

When I See people taking the initiative to change their lifes for the better. If they can do it! I can do it too! BRING IT MAN!

This is just one week of the workout! And More to come!

I have to start cooking my own food and prepare my meals and manage my time well with the workout.

I must be more discipline in the nutrition guide!

No more oily2 kuah lemak nasi goreng ANY MORE MAN! NO MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Labels: BRING IT

BRING IT

Thursday, June 18, 2009 ( 12:24 AM )

Today is probably one of the most embarrassing day of my life. I misinterpreted the brief the client wanted and we presented horribly. I felt ashamed. Things cocked up. Especially when you see the look on their faces.

Their eyes speak differently from what came out from their mouth. Mix with all the anxiety that I had plus the perfect presentation the rest of the groups gave, I couldn't stop but utter stammering words out of my mouth when presentation.

I am ashamed! Seriously.

They could be my future employers, who knows. If I do make a bad impression now. It'll last forever.

A VERY BIG SIGH

But besides that. I have finally started the P90X programme this morning. All I need now are Weights, a Pull-up bar and resistance band.

I, Zakaria Bin Rosdan commit the 3month intensive workout programme to have better health, body, mind and soul. In order to prepare for NS and be around healthily for my family until I grow old.

After the first workout I tell you, you'll feel all drained like as if you've never slept for the whole night! It just sucks all the sweat and energy from you.

I couldn't do all the sets properly because its been sometime since I last work out. But at the end of it, I felt nauseous and dizzy.

Its bad maybe coz I push too much.

Quality NOT Quantity.

But hopefully I maintain my strict nutritional meals and stay away from unhealthy foods. And work my ass off to get the ripped body I've always dreamed of.

This is day one. There'll be more extreme workouts to come. It ain't easy. But I CAN DO IT!

YOU CAN DO IT ZAK!!! ITS ALL IN THE MIND!! TELL YOURSELF TO PUSH PUSH PUSH AND BRING IT ON!!!!!!

L-O-V-E????

Friday, May 29, 2009 ( 1:25 AM )

Siapakah di dunia ini yang tidak mahu jatuh cinta.

Aku juga mahu dicintai. Bukan hanya mencintai.

Kalau kita jatuh cinta, tidur lebih lenyap.

Makan lebih sedap. Jalan pun bukan seperti jalan.

Seperti terbang. Melayang.

Inginnya senyum sahaja.

Tetapi aku rasa aku dikutuk.

Ditakdirkan di dunia ini hanya untuk mencintai.

Bukan dicintai.

Kerana setiap kali aku membuka hatiku kepada seorang wanita,

Hatiku dihancur dengan gelak dan kelakuanya.

Namunku telah mencoba untuk memahami.

Setiap kecalahan yangku telah mengalami.

Dan berharap agarku dapat mencarik.

Gadis wanita yang akanku bersama hingga akhirat nanti.

-Zac

If there's one thing about me that people don't know. Is that Im afraid. Deep in my heart Im afraid to open up and reveal what's inside.

Im afraid of getting hurt. Im afraid of marriage. Im afraid of death. Im afraid of going to hell. Im afraid of Allah. Im afraid of many things.

But if there is one thing that I'm most afraid of its falling in love.

As much as I want a companion by my side. Most importantly someone that listens to what I say. (Not In a sense Eh do this and she'll do this. But rather If I have some family problems or something, I expect her to listen and as my companion give me advice like any other female companion would do. Not talk about something else right after Im done talking)

The thought of opening up my heart to her and love her just scares me. Lets just say Once bitten twice shy. Nothing hurts more than seeing it in front of your face.

And its taking its toll on me when it comes to meeting new people. After the point of exchanging contacts and talking, from there I dare not go any deeper. No matter how casual or its just making new friends it may be.

I guess unlike other Men out there. I came to realized how hurtful it might be to get your heartbroken. Seeing something with your own eyes that just cuts the muscles in your heart as you fall into a deep feeling of depression.

But like what Valencia said. Every point in life is a lesson. You might get your heartbroken today but someday you'll thank her for putting you into that position and making you into a better person.

Just maybe that someday, I'll find my true companion.

Labels: Cinta

Tuesday, May 26, 2009 ( 6:40 AM )

Just finish completing my Pro Finish Hw. Must do a dvd opening for a movie or tv show of your choice. And play with dept and camera aperture.

Will upload the video soon.

But anyway spend whole night trying to do and now I lack of sleep. My mom scolded me for doing work. Say I might get sick someday. Hopefully I don't lah eh.

Well Im sorry. Forgive me for all the things I have done. All the empty promises I have made. I made promises to you and myself time and time again that I'll change. But it just seems so hard when it comes and take control of you.

And after what I've did. It never fail to make me feel at fault time and time again deep in my heart. Its my fault I know. And No one else. But me.

Yet why do I break promises just like that? This is just one. But there are a total of 6 promises I've made to you and vowed to keep. So that I may change and grow into a better person.

Sometimes without knowing it. Our mouth just shoots out mean and bad things that might hurt other people. Sometimes Its best to be mute so whatever you might say will not hurt anyone.

Forgive me. For I have no more tears left in my eyes to wipe the guiltiness I have off from my chest. And Ashamed till I

dare not open my eyes and cry another tear for you even in prayer.

Forgive me.

What if one day u're married and what you see shocks you

Tuesday, May 19, 2009 ( 9:30 PM )

I've been very busy with sch work. Anyway this is the video the I did for my typography assignment. We had to create our own typeface from A-Z using a movie or games logo.

I choosed the video game Crysis and I had to make my own fonts out of the 6 Letter word. And now I needed to animate it.

Crysis Typography Motion Graphics from Zakaria Rosdan on Vimeo.

There are somethings in life that has limits. In this culture and society we're in. It might be a norm for couples to kiss and all. But actually its haram. Actually touching someone not of blood or wife/husband is HARAM!

But I know we might touch or tap our friend's arm or anything la of the opposite sex. Even I do it. To me that is still okie. Its still within limits. Just don't touch la.

But drinking Alcohol or Having Sex before marriage is way beyond Haram man! To me that is.

Imagine, You're married to your lovely wife. You've finally found someone you wanna spend the rest of your life with. All ready and geared up to settle down. READY TO HAVE KIDS together. Sekali dah shiok shiok, you wanna poke in. And you see the hymen wall already broken!

What's your reaction? To me It'll be a total turn off. I'll just walk away out of the house pissed and disappointed in her. I won't even talk to her for a couple of days lah!

Have she no Dignity? You've already done it with someone else out of " love ". And now you're married and in love again and you wanna have kids. Have you NO shame woman!?

Or what about drinking alcohol? Besides getting drunk, doing nonsense things without realizing it. It is Haram for a reason! Morally it causes alot of problems among families in the US.

Alcohol is the major cause of family breakups, and road accidents. The expenses that accrue to the individual and society are enormous. Between 25 to 40 perecent hospital beds in the US are filled by patients with alcohol-related illnesses.

And our health too. U drink too much you get liver cancer.

Then you might be thinking, well smoking is bad for the health too why muslims or even arabs Sisha? They've invented it for god sake!

FIRSTLY there various categories to defy what CAN be done or what CANT be done.

Halal, Haram, Makhroh and Sunnat. Halal is what you CAN do. Haram is what you TOTALLY CANNOT DO. Makhroh is BEST you DONT do. But you CAN DO. To simplify it, you DO IT or DONT DO IT, its not a sin. BUT ITS BEST NOT TO DO IT. And lastly Sunnat meaning you DO IT you get awarded. You DONT do it you'll get nothing.

So smoking is Makhroh. U Can do it. But its best you don't. Then again you might be thinking It has far more worst effects than alcohol. Well think about this you smoke for 10years and now you have lung cancer.

You drink too much alcohol because you celebrate your friend's birthday party. You're VERY drunk and you don't realize what you're doing and you end up raping a girl. OR worst. Some dude take advantage of you and had sex with you. Which is more worst you tell me!?

But what if you can tahan You'll say. Then again BUT WAD IF YOU CANT? Smoking is just like air. Its like breathing polluted air that has a certain flavour coz you burn the tobacco.

But drinking is way beyond that. Your blood level goes up. Your mind lose focus. You'r in a state of highness. You don't realize what you're doing. Next thing you know you beat your wife after a night out drinking with the boys. Think about it man.

But then again. One should know their limits. In this current society and age, it is hard to be able to Not even commit one sin per day. Honestly. Seeing a hot girl or blonde walking down the street and u stare too much already cannot.

BUT this can be undone. Just don't stare la! And tahan your Hawe and Nafsu. Which im still having problems.

But come on man once the Cherry is popped, you can't get it back. Once the pussy is fucked the great wall of hymen won't be there anymore. And once you drink in this earth, you WONT EVEN get a SIP of the various different rivers Allah created in the syurga.

Are you willing to sacrifice all of that just for that " moment of pleasure and enjoyment "this worldy life? It only lasts an average 60yrs.

The afterlife is forever man.

Wanna do things know your limits lah. We live in this world once. Want to explore and have fun, explore and have fun but know your limits. My impression of you totally change after hearing this.

Labels: Haram